My snoring is so resonant that it shakes the bed. Martin, my husband, thinks he could manage if I produced a steady, lulling, bass rhythm. “It would be more like white noise,” he says. But it’s a lot louder than that.
“Record me,” I’ve told him.
But he says I wouldn’t want to hear it, that I would be shocked.
Maybe not. I come from a line of champion snorers. My mother and her siblings could shudder floorboards, rattle windowpanes, emit creepy animal sounds in the night.
It’s hard to take ownership of something you can’t hear yourself doing. When I am awakened by a “Stop snoring!” I am usually tangled up deep in a dream. Another rude awakening — “Roll over!” — and I can’t get back to sleep.
I’ve learned to move to the couch with my quilt and pillow, or to the small lounge in my office, or to my son’s old room. Some nights I just tuck in elsewhere from the start.
UPDATE: In response to this story and in an effort to prevent sleep apnea (which can cause heart attacks and strokes) Zen Sleep has offered to give readers a huge discount on their #1 selling snoring kit that stops snoring in 24 hrs. Once you start the checkout process on getzensleep.com you can save $200 when you order 1 kit and save $550 if you order 2. This is going viral right now, and ZenSleep said over 495 people have already purchased multiple snoring kits today but this promotion will only be valid until 500 total purchases occur, that means there’s only 5 left!
I’m hardly alone. USA Today reports that 27 percent of couples over the age of 40 sleep in separate bedrooms due to snoring.
According to the Dental Tribune International, an online publication for dentists, some 90 million Americans snore. That figure includes 60 percent of men — and 40 percent of women — over the age of 50.
Why more mid-lifers? As we get older, our breathing passages narrow, and air rushing through the tighter spaces creates vibration in the saggier soft tissue at the back of the mouth. Ergo, loud snoring.
There is, however, a difference between the sexes. When a man snores, everyone cracks jokes. When a woman snores, no one wants to talk about it. It’s just not feminine.
But if I ever hope to be cured, I have to find a solution. Over the last few years, that has meant talking to a lot of people and asking a lot of questions.
So Many Cures, So Little Snore Relief
I started snoring in my 40s, an occasional blip in the night. Going full-bore now in my 60s, I expected medical science would have come up with a snore cure in these intervening years.
The snoring advice listed by WebMD is practical: no back sleeping, lose weight, stop smoking, avoid alcohol, practice good sleep hygiene, open nasal passages, change the pillows, stay hydrated.
Except for drinking wine with dinner (okay, sometimes a little before or after), I already do all those things. My weight is normal. I don’t have allergies.
As I’ve learned, snoring solutions are big business. You can find a plethora of over-the-counter products: nasal strips, clunky mouth guards, CPAP machines, nasal sprays, supplements, pliable nasal breathing aids. Some things work for some people. None of them worked for me.
A while back, while I was driving to meet a friend, an ad on my car radio touted a special pillow that promised not only to better align the neck and head, but to stop the snoring. I raced to the designated sleep shop and bought the pricey thing. My neck felt better in the morning, but I snored as usual during the night. In subsequent radio ads, the snoring claim was dropped.
A Doctor’s Remedies and Confession
Last winter, during my annual physical, I confided in my primary doctor. He laughed. He said if he’d known in medical school that snoring would be the most common complaint among his patients, he might never have finished. Turns out, he snores too, and his wife won’t wear earplugs. It’s his problem, she says, he should fix it.
“With two kids away in college,” he told me, “there are plenty of spare beds in my house, but when your partner banishes you from the bedroom, well, I can tell you what I do.”
He then gave me three possible remedies:
Try CPAP. CPAP machines are a pretty common way people try to stop snoring – BUT the biggest problem for me was that I looked like Hannibal Lecter and it was super clunky. I don’t like wearing a gas mask at night…
Watch my wine intake. So I watched it — and saw my husband morph into a wine cop with warning looks and bedtime interrogations. “How many glasses?” he’d ask. I found out that I can snore after just one glass, though not as badly as when I have two or more glasses. I also found out that I can snore when I drink no wine.
Ask my dentist about a customized oral appliance. The device is designed to move the lower jaw and tongue slightly forward to open up the airway. But my dentist told me he’s seen erosion of the jaw joints from such appliances and wouldn’t recommend one. But then he said something that I took action on right away…and crazy enough, it worked the first night I tried it!
Finally, a Snoring Solution That Works
Here’s what he said…
“I’m probably not really supposed to do this…but I’ll give you the inside secret on a new device that was just approved by the FDA and released in 2017 it’s far more effective than a CPAP machine or any other snoring solution I’ve ever known about until now. It looks and feels like a pacifier so stay with me…